Lisa Orban Interview Published on: 21, Mar 2017

Your new book "Wine Comes in Six Packs" picks up right where your previous book ended, following the escape from your abusive first husband. Were these scenes especially hard to write, seeing as though you had to revisit several unpleasant memories in order to write it? Do you have any advice you'd like to offer to any woman under the dominion of an abusive man, wishing for some sort of escape?

This second book was not as hard to write as my first, for a couple of reasons. The first, and most importantly was that while I made many mistakes, and often choose poorly in my companions, none were as devastating as what I lived through with my first husband. Secondly, after writing the first book, I was more comfortable sharing my experiences. And lastly, my many wonderful and supportive interactions with my reviewers and readers gave me confidence that I had written a story worth sharing. And to continue sharing in this second book. My words to any person in an abusive relationship is this, You Are Not Alone. There is help and there are people who have been through what you are going through that understand. A great source for anyone in that situation is The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, NCADV, they are there with confidential help and support whatever your circumstances.

Did you receive any fan-mail (or emails or reviews) after the publications of your first and second books? What were some of your favourites?

This has been my favorite correspondence from a reader: Thank you for allowing me to read your book. I thoroughly enjoyed it, yet even as I write this I know that ‘enjoyed’ isn’t the right word. It’s a complex book that left me happy, sad, exasperated, amused, horrified, frustrated and completely wrung out. At the end, I was completely awed by your courage. I doubt I could bare my soul in public as you have. I don’t know if congratulations is the right word, either, but it’s the best I can do. As you see, you’ve written a book that defies my ability to categorize and whose impact on me I cannot adequately describe. Kudos. I have received others that have touched my heart, like when I received an email from a woman who, after reading my book, contacted me saying she had found the courage to leave her abusive relationship. And another from a young man who told me that he had for years had a distant relationship with his mother because he couldn't understand why she stayed in an abusive relationship with his father. He told me that after reading my book, he was finally able to understand, and had reached out to her and rekindled their relationship. In some small way, I have helped change the lives of other people through my words. People I will probably never meet but because of my book I was able to make a difference anyway. It is both humbling and gratifying to know that.

Looking back now, is there anything you wished you could've told yourself or your sons on that long drive back to Quincy after you got off the plane? Do you ever find yourself wishing you could redo that marriage again or wipe it out entirely?

It's going to be okay. You will be hurt, humbled, stressed out and will make horrible mistakes. But you will also have an amazing life full of laughter, love and friendships that will make it all worthwhile. I have no desire to change my past or go back to correct my mistakes, because they all went into making me the person that I am today, and I like this person and I don't think I would have grown into who I am now without them. I did not enjoy living through them, but each thing has taught me a hard won lesson, in life and about myself, that I would not trade away.

When you look in the mirror now, what do you see? How does this differ from what you saw in yourself 5 years ago? Over time, have you changed the way you looked at other people?

I see someone who can met any challenge that life has to throw my way. I may not like it, I may even look up at the universe and ask why it has to be my turn again, but I also know that somehow, someway I will make it through. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is to always accept people for who they are, right this minute. Not how I'd like them to be, or think about how I could change them to make them more likable, but simple acceptance of them. I think that is the secret to happiness in any relationship, acceptance without a desire to change a person.

What were some of your biggest hurdles trying to get this book published (personal hurdles with yourself and professional hurdles like in publishing and marketing)?

The life of an Indie author is not an easy one. Everything from editing to marketing rest solely on your shoulders and all of it out of your own pocket as well. It's expensive to be an Indie, with no support network from a knowledgeable publishing house or personal publicist to help you navigate through pitfalls. It can be lonely and frustrating, and really expensive. But in the end, I believe, worth it to get your book out if you think you have something worth sharing. There was a huge learning curve, and I'm still learning new things all the time. And, sometimes I make awful mistakes or lose money trying new ways to market my books. It's all a roll of the dice that I can only hope that one day I will win… or at least break even. As for personal hurdles, there were many, and some you can read in this second book. But, I think life is like that for everyone, it interferes with our best laid plans leaving us scrambling to put things back together when they go wrong.

Of all the stories you've related to your readers, which of these is your favourite to tell, especially at parties or gatherings?

In my first book, It'll Feel Better when it Quits Hurting, a favorite of the group for me to share with new people was Marcus O'Realious. It's funny and horrifying all at the same time, and I always giggle when I tell it. In my second book, Wine Comes in Six-Packs, one of my favorites has to be Husband in a Corner. And yes, I will state for the record, I am a terrible person and yes, it was hysterical both then and now.

What is your idea of the perfect date (setting, food, place,man, etc)?

My perfect date? I don't think I have any idea of what that would be. I guess it would be food I've never had before, in a place I've never been, with a person who enjoys being spontaneous and open to whatever mad idea I may have, who doesn't embarrass easily.

How long did it take you to write this book? Who read the first draft and edited it and why did you choose that person?

All together, it took about two years to write. But, there were also long breaks while writing it as I dealt with life and all of its problems. Life always has a way of interfering with our best of intentions, and sometimes it would be a month between writing one story and the next as I tried to find time in between the chaos that is often my life. Cory was the first to read it, and when I watched him laugh, look horrified and occasionally look sad, I knew that I had written a good book. And I chose him because Cory is the person who pats me on the head, brings me a Snickers bar and tells me I can do it (and, make me believe it) when I feel like I can't any more.

If you won a lottery of $10 million, what would you do with that money?

If I had $10 million dollars, I would take some of it and fix my house, put in a second bathroom (a dream that one day I hope will become a reality), and pay all my debts. I would extend my third floor and create 4 more bedrooms so I could take in more people who are in need without crowding. Some I would set aside to travel the world. I want to see the world, all of it, and meet everyone. It's a big plan that will take the rest of my life and would be worth every minute of it. For the rest? I think I would like to create an Artist Retreat, and not for just writers, but painters, poets, storytellers, fire spinners, dancers, metal workers, musicians… anyone who has a desire to create. Someplace the creatives among us could live, work and share in a supportive environment what they have to offer to the world.

Do you see yourself extending this series one more book and making it a trilogy? Is there anything you wish to add that I didn't ask about?

There is at least one more book, probably more to be truthful. But, I have a third already in outline form called Good Friends bring Shovels. It is the mirror book to Wine Comes in Six-Packs that tells the stories of my friendships and some of the more outrageous things I have done in my life. It covers the same approximate 20 years that Wine Comes in Six-Packs does, and when I began it they were all together. But the story became to unwieldy and I realized I was telling two different stories in one book, so I split them up. We all have at least two sides to ourselves, one is the person we are with when we are in an intimate relationship and the other is the person we are with with our friends. They do mix and blend, but we show different sides of ourselves depending on who we are with. So, while there are stories about my friendships in Wine Comes in Six-Packs, and stories about my relationships in Good Friends bring Shovels, they each have their own individual feel. So I hope if you have enjoyed my life so far, you will also enjoy my next one. This one is, honestly, just for fun. It is silly, funny, eye-rolling, I can't believe you would do that, stories. There is absolutely no lesson to be learned or wisdom to glean from it, it was written solely for the reason that these are my favorite stories, and to give you a good laugh. And, maybe, just maybe, make you feel better about some of the poor choices you have made while laughing at mine.

Share Lisa Orban's interview