I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red. - "David Letterman"

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
David Letterman

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Labour day is a great American holiday that people
celebrate by going out and buying products
made in China
- David Letterman
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There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to minute count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to shoot someone just to see the numbers move.
- David Letterman