At 19, you faced a major crossroads. Can you share what that moment was like and what ultimately led you to choose the path you did?
I was at a New Years Eve party just after I turned 19 years old. Surrounded by over 100 people, getting ready to ring in the new year, I was the most depressed, isolated, and miserable I'd ever been. The thought occurred to me, "Would it just be better if I wasn't on this planet anymore?" Three days later I was in an inpatient drug and alcohol treatment program. I discovered that life didn't have to be miserable, and I became ready to change.
You describe your beginnings as humble and tumultuous—how have those early life experiences shaped the person you are today?
As I walked through the barnyard and looked down at my duct tape reinforced sneakers that never effectively kept the manure off my feet, the thought occurred to me that I'd really love to have some work boots. I brought that up to my dad later that day. He said, "Sure you can have some work boots. You're working, go buy yourself some." I was 15 at the time. I didn't like it at the time but the mindset that I was the one responsible for me and for the things I want and need, have helped to make me a very strong person
What was the biggest mindset shift that helped you begin improving your life, and how do you maintain that mindset?
Discovering that my life is completely on me and that there is no one to blame, including myself, was very freeing for me.
What inspired you to start writing “When You Stop Fighting”, and what do you hope readers take away from your work?
I wrote my book because I was sure that, through the story and stories of my life, I'd be able to help others. I've learned a lot and have had many wonderful people and teachers pass through my life, for which I am grateful. I hope people are able to take away a sense that no matter where they are starting from, life can be a tale of learning, growing, achieving, and loving.
Do you draw from personal experiences when writing, or do you also incorporate stories from others you’ve helped or observed?
My work is characterized by the stories that have made up my life. These stories range from shocking, scary, and tragic, to happy, funny, and instructive.
What’s your writing process like in the peace of the North Georgia mountains? Does nature play a role in your creativity?
I write as I'm inspired to write. It could be 3:00 in the morning or 11:00 at night. My process is one of "just write and clean up the mess later." Whatever comes out of my heart and soul is supposed to be there. Nature does play a role in my creativity as it helps me quiet my mind and my heart, and prepares the ground from which my writing springs.
You describe your life before the turning point as a “self-imposed prison.” How important is radical self-honesty in breaking out of that prison, and what advice would you give to someone afraid of facing their truth?
I don't believe there is anything more important than honesty with ourselves in breaking out of our self-imposed prison. How do we begin the process of change unless we admit to ourselves that we're broken? How do we do the difficult but necessary work unless we admit to ourselves that we're stuck? How do we reach out to those who might assist us unless we admit that we need help?
Many people believe that failure is a sign to quit — but you frame it as a signal to “figure it out.” What’s one failure that became a breakthrough moment for you?
I've had so many instances in my life that I could deem "failures." Times when I didn't achieve what I'd set out to achieve, or times when I fell short of my expectations. I've since learned that what we might be tempted to call failures are only true failures if we quit. If we change course, or keep going or find another way, what we might have deemed failures turn out to be stepping stones. My early years mired in addiction(s) could easily be designated as a time in my life when I failed. What it turned out to be is the best thing that ever happened to me, as my life has become so filled with beauty beyond what I ever could have imagined.
How do you “choose to show up in this world every day,” and what advice would you give to others trying to do the same?
I choose to show up with a smile on my face and ready to improve myself so that I give something good to the world. I don't get mired in negativity or news or politics. If I allow myself to be distracted by a very distracting world, that is where my attention and hence my life, goes. If I've chosen a life of inner peace, contentment, and fulfillment, and I Iive in a way that promotes those things, I am in a p;osition to truly give to those around me. I would advise others that the life they want has to be congruent with the life they live. If you want peace, learn how to live that life. If you want chaos, live the life that much of the rest of the world lives.
In When I Stop Fighting, you say, “Look to principles for guidance. Rinse and repeat.” What are the top 2-3 principles that have become non-negotiables in your life
Honesty with myself. 2. Humility - aka Teachable. 3. Courage - doing the things that scare me or that I don't think I can do.
You’ve worked relentlessly on yourself for nearly four decades. What’s been the hardest part of that journey, and how did you overcome it?
The hardest part was probably earlier on when I was doing sooo much work on myself and I didn't feel as though I was getting the results I'd expected or envisioned. I've since learned that my only job is to do the work, and that I'm not responsible for the results. The results will come but maybe not in the time frame or the way that I'd expected.
How do you handle setbacks or moments of self-doubt even after years of growth and progress?
Setbacks are just stepping stones and moments of self-doubt don't last long. I move through setbacks by continuing, not quitting. I allow self-doubt to pass, because it always does. As long as we keep going, there really is nothing that can stop us.
How does your wife, Kristina, support or influence your work and your mission?
Kristina has been indispensable, as a partner, proofreader, confidant, cheerleader, and true friend. I couldn't ask for better love and support than I receive.
Your labs, Dexter and Joker, must be part of your daily life—what have they taught you about presence or joy?
Dexter and Joker are such a gift. They do not appear to suffer from the same faults as us humans :). They love no matter what. They are happy, excited, and always present. I have believed for a long time that if I can just get as cool as my dogs, I'd have a pretty great life.
You’ve featured your work on AllAuthor — how has that platform supported you as an indie author, and what kind of impact has it had on connecting with readers?
I have been very pleasantly surprised by being a member of the AllAuthor family. AllAuthor is organized, well-presented, and growing fast. I feel I've been blessed to be included and my book has reached many readers that I would not have otherwise had access to.
