Elaine Yarbrough

I think the book intro tells the basics. The influence includes having a tough skin--don't complain about things but figure out how to move forward. Life will be hard--so what? We have the fortitude and belief that we will move forward, around, over, under barriers. Grieving comes later. Pioneer background also includes taking risks because there is no entitlement in the culture for lower socio economic groups, and even more so for women. Later you learn how others in high power groups did not have to work as hard. The downside of this spirit is failing to rest and having trauma catch up with you later.

I took a course in undergraduate school on group dynamics and interpersonal communication. I was fascinated and kept thinking about the intriguing possibility of healthy communication. After I graduated from the University of North Texas, I worked as a journalist for a year. Then I called the professor at North Texas (Dr. Don Beck) and asked where to study communication. He instructed me that Kansas and Univ. of Michigan were the key graduate schools. Kansas had a more applied focus (and was closer to Texas) so I went there. I stumbled into a fantastic program that changed my life and provided the basis for my career.

I loved having students realize that, for example, conflict could be constructive and that there were learnable skills for making it so. One time a student was struggling and I said, "I'll help you." The class then launched into a discussion on the importance of getting help rather than being criticized for not knowing. In interpersonal communication classes, students learned to notice their impact on others as well as their intent . A student said, "I didn't know that you can get constructive feedback to help with communication." Another, "I've never been reflected before; I didn't know my strengths." In another class, students were asked to stand if they had power/influence in the group. One young woman who had a great deal of influence, did not stand. When asked, she said she was afraid to acknowledge that she had impact because women were not supposed to have power because they would be judged. We had an important discussion about sexism and how women could claim their power.

The sexism at the university and the lack of support and jealousy of colleagues in my department were debilitating. Instead of acknowledgment for my teaching awards, older professors tried to redefine the award's importance. My body, eventually, told me I couldn't stay: I got increasingly stressed and sick. Also, I was consulting and making more money than my university salary so the financial transition was easy. The challenges were building my brand--marketing materials, communicating that I was more available for consulting. Another challenge was balancing a new business with an infant daughter. A neighbor cared for my daughter (with her two sons) during the day; and that arrangement was a good one.

First, my experience confirmed that there are basic human communication and orqanizational practices across cultures. All people want to be respected, included in decisions that affect them, and reflected for their strengths and contributions. Second, the norms of communication differ. Some cultures are more direct; some indirect. Some show emotions; others more linear and detail driven. Hofstadter's research on cultural dimensions helps with these differences. Mike and I always owned our bias as Americans and invited others to teach us their preferences. Willingness to learn helps bridge differences. Organizationally, work proceeds more slowly in more autocratic cultures. For example, when the Soviet Union broke up, organizations in the former Union were more difficult to change because workers were accustomed to acting only when given orders. There was no individual initiative because previously workers were punished for making decisions. When the paint ran out, for example, workers sat down until top leaders said to get more paint. Clearly, productivity in those companies was not good. You begin to understand why and how some cultures are more innovative than others. In China's innovation centers, I asked how they could innovate with such tight government control. Response, "We do contained innovation." I understood then why China is the great 'copier' of other countries products. Even in countries like Switzerland, leadership was top-down. When participants in our OD classes learned about the conditions for high performing companies, their dissatisfaction increased and some left the company. They knew they had been unhappy and learned why.

I needed to recount my story for my own healing. I've been served well by others who have written their stories and thought others could benefit from mine. Feedback I have received indicates they have.

Most times, I think, people going through difficult times think they are the only ones. They have feelings and responses that are not 'perfect,' meaning always loving and compassionate. Caregivers often fail to take care of themselves, thinking self care is selfish. They don't have the words/categories to think about their difficulties. I am hoping that my honesty helps others feel less alone, gives permission to be honest about their own feelings and need to take care of themselves, and helps them reframe their difficulties into positive gains.

1.) My experience of sexism at the University of Colorado. I had always believed that intelligence and hard work would reap rewards. I had experienced great support from professors with high integrity at the University of Kansas and thought all academia would reflect the same. Not so. The department chair at CU blatantly lied about things; expressed jealousy of my consulting; physically attacked female graduate students; broke in and searched the office of another female professor; and loaded all the women with the most teaching and graduate student advising assignments while criticizing their lack of publication. I had to come to grips with the power of organizations to destroy people. This realization was essential in my consulting...to believe people when they described debilitating situations.
2.) Ongoing exploration of myself through Gestalt Therapy, Enneagram work, Developmental Levels of all people, women's retreats, etc.
3.) My experience of motherhood. Foremost, the feeling of unconditional love for my daughter that no other relationship matches.

When I first began writing, I wanted to organize and consolidate my thinking about consulting, mediation, and team building. That clarity enhanced my work with people and organizations. That vision has now extended to personal development; and, at this stage of life, I am content only when I write each day/week. I see writing as my primary focus now.

I go for a walk with my dogs to let go of the struggle. I meditate so release the stress of the struggle. I read something inspirational to get the juices flowing. I schedule a writing weekend so I can focus without interruption.

Impactful, inspirational writing is emotional. Readers need to feel the importance of their words. My unconditional love for both my girls provides the basis for my compassion toward others. Zora, my granddaughter, reminds me to look for the extraordinary in the ordinary and to be amazed at everything. She reminds me of what is most important. My greatest joy is connection to and community with others. Conversely, breaking relationship and betrayal are my worst fears.

I believe that each of us has a spiritual home--where the environment supports our inner and outer wellbeing. Growing up in Texas, I like open spaces. I also prefer rock and dirt over water and would never want to live by an ocean. River would be ok. I like the challenge of the Great Rockies and the spirit they hold. I like dry climates, devoid of roaches and other bugs. I never liked camping, for instance, in humid Texas; but learned to love backpacking in the mountains where the grandeur from a mountain top reminds me of the majesty of the earth and my small part on it. So our house is next to open space that butts up to the foothills.

I like both personal and professional. Since the quality of the latter is based on the development of the former, for me the genres blend.

I am finishing, along with my daughter, a book on women's leadership which should be available in a couple of months. I am half way through a book on how to build and lead high performance teams: Genius Teams. Then I will return to my memoirs, Grace and Grit.

I have appreciated AllAuthor. Connecting with other authors; getting support in advertising my book; having people like yourself, reach out and be curious. Thank you.