I've always been authentically me. Even when it caused me to get bullied or shamed growing up. I've never been able to hide my weirdness or geekiness. It caused a lot of pain, but not because I was those things and because people ridiculed me for them. It was because I didn't embrace them. I couldn't change who I was, and I didn't want to, but at the same time, I wanted desperately to be like everyone else. I wanted to be pretty and popular and happy. Instead, I was awkward, strange, and quiet.
If I could change anything, I would go back to Younger Me and show them how I flourished when I proudly embraced my weird. When we learn to be happy with our authentic selves, we realize how much power there is in that. It doesn't matter what anyone in this world thinks of you as long as you love yourself (in a non-narcissistic way).
My secret is that I'm a workaholic and I don't advocate that it is healthy. I just can't stop doing things, and I have no idea how to relax. The concept of taking time to rest and relax is completely foreign to me. I mean, I have gotten much better at it, trust me.
When I'm writing, I'm also in the midst of a large project at work, fixing something around the house, making dinner, running errands, walking the dog, helping a friend. I write in between the madness of life, and there really isn't a schedule. I just write when I can and as much as I can and I try desperately to do that often.
I don't see literary success in a monetary sense. I never started down the path of writing or publishing because I wanted to be rich or famous. I never thought about it in that sense growing up and having this dream, but especially after working a few years in the publication design business.
So, what does it look like to me? Emotions. When people are excited about something I've created, or send me messages to let me know how certain parts of what I wrote made them cry or made them angry or happy, that is how I define success. It is making people feel something through what I wrote.
