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Don't Expect Me to Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse steal my life

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Don’t Expect Me To Cry is a powerful story of the horrors Janet experienced at the hands of multiple abusers, including her father, and the courageous journey of healing that brought her to a life that is inspirational to other survivors. Janet’s resilience is evident as she tells her story in three parts, reflecting her thoughts and experiences at critical stages of her life.

Don’t Expect Me To Cry - Starting with a child’s view of shocking abuse, Janet shares how she had to build defenses to survive the impact of the horrors of her childhood.

Don’t Expect Me To Lie – Continuing with her journey through early therapy, Janet describes the pain and fear she experienced as she started to share the ‘secret’.

Don’t Expect Me To Die - The final part tells how Janet hit ‘rock bottom’ and tried to end her life. She explains how, from that place of despair, she learned that it is possible to heal from the dark shame and trauma and live a steadier and more content life.

“Believing myself to be a reasonably healed survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I didn’t expect to find myself becoming teary-eyed as I read Don’t Expect Me to Cry by Janet Bentley. But her story moved me and touched me more deeply than the many other books I have read by those who have bravely told or even written their own books, myself included”. – V. Boland

“I really liked Don't Expect Me To Cry and the sincere and genuine way in which it is written. The entire book is raw and real, and although I am sure it was difficult to write about for Janet, she is aware that it is precisely for that reason that it is important to share her story along with all of the details of sexual abuse, and the emotional damage that results from it. Her writing style, which is engaging and fastpaced yet detailed……This is a must-read autobiography”. - G. Dixon

213 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 17, 2018

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About the author

Janet Bentley

1 book9 followers
Janet Bentley is a survivor of child sexual abuse and grew up in a dysfunctional family riddled with abuse, addiction and suicide. Raised in Southern California, she currently lives in Arizona where she created and manages the non-profit Courageous Survivors.

Janet is a member of RAINN’s (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) Speakers’ Bureau, a facilitator of Darkness to Light’s Stewards of Children child sexual abuse prevention training.

Janet’s driving passion is to prevent child sexual abuse and be a lifeline to survivors. She has found that sharing her story has been key to healing her own pain and exposing this epidemic.

Janet lives in Scottsdale, Arizona with her husband, and enjoys biking and being in nature. She also loves spending time with her children and grandchildren.

To connect with Janet:

www.janetbentley.com
www.courageoussurvivors.org
janet@janetbentley.com

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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
Profile Image for Lisa Zarcone.
Author 3 books26 followers
February 27, 2019
This is a very powerful story of abuse, despair and resilience. As I made my way through this story my heart broke for "little Janet" as NO child should ever have to endure what she did. The betrayal of a father, and all that he brought into the home. The dysfunction was endless. In the second part of the story, the author shared her personal journey towards healing which was quite painful to read but at the same time I found myself rooting for her every step of the way. She gives a clear view of what past abuse can do to a damaged adult, and the struggle to regain control is a long hard, tedious battle to freedom. Thank you for writing such an honest story and for your courage and bravery to share it. You are a LIFE WARRIOR.
Profile Image for Grant Leishman.
Author 15 books146 followers
April 10, 2019
Reviewed For Readers' Favorite by Grant Leishman

Nobody who has not experienced child sexual abuse could possibly understand the immense pain and self-loathing that such a person experiences in later life. This is perfectly illustrated to us in Janet Bentley’s heart-rending and powerful memoir, Don’t Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal My Life. Bentley takes us expertly through the trauma that first occurred when she was just four-years-old and the one man who was supposed to be her protector and guide in life became instead an evil monster when he forced her into sexual acts of which she had no understanding and would scar her for the rest of her life. Janet faced multiple abusers apart from her own father, over the years but always, despite the pain, the depression, the addictions to alcohol and prescription medicine, the teenage abortions and not to mention a physically bereft marriage, she somehow managed to rise above it all and take control of her life – a control she had so cruelly been denied as a child. Although her childhood sexual abuse was an integral part of everything she suffered through later in life she was equally determined that it would not be the defining feature of her existence. She always sought the professional help she needed and even when that wasn’t to her advantage, she never gave up.

Few books have touched me, as a father and a grandfather, as Don’t Expect me to Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal My Life, by Janet Bentley’s did. As a man it is sometimes easy to gloss over the horrific effects of child abuse on the young person. “It was ages ago – just let it go and move on,” is often our response to such things. What the author shows us, so powerfully and so heart-breakingly is that it is just not that simple. What happens to a child, at that tender age, when they are so ruthlessly exploited and used by adults who they implicitly trust and believe in is that it develops incredibly forceful defence mechanisms in their brains that set the tone for their lives. As Bentley so beautifully explained, it takes years of therapy and understanding just to bring these memories back to the surface and to address them. What particularly struck me about the author’s story was her willingness and acceptance that what happened to her as a child had shaped everything she was today and could never be totally dismissed or dealt with – it would always be there but her bravery in facing this trauma head-on and her overwhelming determination to not let it define every moment of her adult life, shone through the narrative. I was deeply moved by this story and can only encourage everyone to read it and to realise that not only is this type of abuse more prevalent than we would care to admit, it is not something that can just be swept under the rug and ignored. Dirty, filthy, disgusting behaviour can only be eradicated when the light of love and forgiveness is shone upon it and it is shown to be the depraved act that it really is. A superb book and an incredibly brave woman – I salute you, Janet Bentley.
13.2k reviews61 followers
May 3, 2020
Follow the powerful journey of an abused child and how she copes with it. It is told in three parts and it will show what happened to her, how she learnt to cope and even see her survive the awful hand she had been drawn.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
Profile Image for MaLoBe.
483 reviews2 followers
January 11, 2019
It's so emotional and so raw and real

I was never in situations like described in the book but every time I read about abuse I just can't help myself and wonder how people can be so cruel and how parents can be that towards their own children. I am in awe towards people who wants to share their difficult and painful story and even more inspired how resilient they are. I can't imagine what would I do in the same situation and I'm grateful for the way my life has gone. This powerful story, dark, painful but also gives hope because of the person who gone through this all and now is able to share this with us.
Profile Image for Sharon.
4,152 reviews27 followers
January 7, 2019
This is a tough book to read, it’s one that I found that I needed to take a short break from now and then as I cried and had to compose myself. The things this lady endured as a child is terrifying and the fact that she is able to make a life for herself is amazing. She has written this book to share her life with others so that they also might gain some strength from knowing that they are not alone. This is one of those books that is going to tear your heart out as you read it, but you are also going to feel compelled to continue to read it. We are simply sitting and reading, this lady not only lived through this as a child and adult but she also then relived it in her memories!
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
39 reviews2 followers
July 4, 2019
Heartbreaking

There really are monsters that walk this earth disguised as human beings. This book was hard to read, and my heart ached for this poor little girl. How I wished I could have been there to rescue her! In the end she rescued herself.
I pray that God walks with her on her journey of healing, and wish all of the best for her!
1 review1 follower
March 7, 2019
The book is candid, truthful, written from the eyes of a true survivor. Janet tells the story of so many. It's a compelling book in that it has made me want to hug, help and donate my time to other children who are victims of sexual abuse.Janet Bentley
Profile Image for April Shuffler.
15 reviews70 followers
June 18, 2019
I thought this was a really good book! Once I started reading it I couldn't put it down. If your looking for a really enjoyable read then you should definitely give this book a read!

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
Profile Image for Dwight Hurych.
22 reviews1 follower
August 19, 2019
This book was incredibly raw and vulnerable, yet inspirational. After reading this book I wrote my first ever Amazon review as follows:

To me, this book was all at once heart-wrenching, inspirational, powerful, raw, real, and relevant. Janet skillfully uses just the right words, phrasing, and space to describe the heart-wrenching realities of her own severe abuse spanning her childhood. It was as if I was there with her, feeling the fear, the anger, the confusion. This is much more than a literary memoir. Janet connects intimately and gently with the reader as a guide toward healing despite the horrors of sexual abuse.

Her story is laid out chronologically and consists of 3 phases: an abusive childhood, escaping the abuse and coming into healing from horrific memories, and then facing severe health issues, despair, and rising from the ashes. Each phase has its own unique fears and problems. I found myself constantly rooting for her; how could life have been so cruel? Yet, she would continue. She would face her past and present with triumphs and tragedies, allowing me the privilege of seeing the world through her eyes, the eyes of a survivor.

Her bold honesty and emotions are raw and real. I felt how she felt. Several times I had to take a break from reading just to process my own emotions that surfaced. But, this is where Janet's story got inspirational and relevant for me.

Her courage to continue striving and refusing to let her childhood sexual abuse steal her life is contagious. Her life story speaks with such human depth and vulnerability, to expose the abuse, to identify the lies, to experience tremendous fear and deep pain, yet seek to move forward anyway. I felt she was offering me that mixture of courage and reality so I could deposit a piece of it into my own heart, find my voice, and boldly live my path forward.

In summary, anyone who desires to get an understanding of the realities of childhood sexual abuse and how it continues to affect a person into adulthood should read this book, even if you're nervous. Don't let childhood sexual abuse steal your life. If that's not your background, this book will enable you to develop compassion and empathy for the person that might be sitting right next to you.
Profile Image for R.K. Emery.
1,024 reviews43 followers
December 26, 2018
I could 100% relate to this book and I think that it really empowered me to think differently of the things I have been through in my life. Janet Bentley is brave for not only telling her story but letting us in on her ups and downs. It really helps to read/hear about others experiences. It is really amazing how many different aspects of your life something like this can affect even way down the line. It's dark and emotional, yet empowering and inspirational. I loved her words and they made me feel close to someone who has been through similar situations in their life. Thank you for sharing with us!
Profile Image for Teresa Syms.
Author 7 books5 followers
April 1, 2019
Janet Bentley’s book, “Don’t Expect Me to Cry,” touched my heart so deeply. From one survivor to another, I understand the depth of her pain, anguish and emotional torture, as well as Janet’s need for love and acceptance from those she loves. My heart ached for the little girl who was treated so cruelly and brutally. Janet’s story will speak volumes to so many people who are hurting in this world. Her story gives hope, brings forward a beacon of light and the much needed awareness in the battle against the disease of Child Sexual Abuse.

Teresa Syms, Life Coach, NLP Practitioner & Award-winning Author & Co-Author & Host of Powering Through Life
Profile Image for Elisabeth Brookshire.
520 reviews9 followers
November 7, 2019
Shocking atrocities

It's amazing that the author of this moving memoir was able to begin to live and flourish after what she was subjected to as a very young child. Her father was a monster and the rest of her her family was feckless and inconsistent. Reading her journey of healing was really interesting and it's a quick read. I'd recommend it to Child Sexual Abuse survivors.
Profile Image for Jennifer Richey.
1,992 reviews
January 14, 2019
This book going into it wow it knocked me flat on my butt! What this author went through not only did she live it but she had the courage to write about it! Inspiration to all!

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
86 reviews
March 29, 2020
A must read book

What a difficult story. Janet is a great example for others who have experienced childhood trauma. Help and healing are available nd worth the effort.
Profile Image for Sarah Stuart.
Author 18 books97 followers
November 22, 2019
Reviewed by Sarah Stuart for Readers' Favorite

Janet Bentley has written Don’t Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Abuse steal my life in three parts. The first is the title section, the second, Don’t Expect Me To Lie, and the third, Don’t Expect Me To Die. It is not an easy book to read, even for one who has never suffered any kind of abuse, or has anyone close who has, but it is an honest, brave, book. It reveals a world that is unbelievably horrendous; unbelievable because it is hidden behind closed doors, sometimes by threats, but mostly by shame. Few have Janet Bentley’s courage to tell their story, but thousands of people will be helped if they read it; they will know they are not alone and that abusers can be prevented from spoiling whole lives.

Well-written and, sadly, as relevant in the twenty-first century as it has always been, Don’t Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Abuse steal my life is amazing. More than a memoir, this is Janet Bentley reaching out to other victims, a guiding light in the darkness. To anyone who has never suffered abuse it is a privilege, albeit a painful one, the see into a world none of us knew, or perhaps wanted to know, exists. Is there a child yours thinks is unfriendly and accident-prone? Before you turn aside, think of this – “I woke up the next morning wishing I could die.” Janet had been raped in her father’s presence: payment for a drug debt. Thank you, Janet, for inviting me into your life.
Profile Image for Tish Elliott.
16 reviews
November 5, 2023
I read your book after hearing you speak at a Meadows event. It is shocking, touching and inspiring to read. On behalf of the entire world, thank you for sharing your story.
Profile Image for Janet Bentley.
Author 1 book9 followers
February 25, 2019
Yes, I am rating my own book as I am so excited and proud to have brought all of my journals and experiences together to bring readers my life story. It is one that is heartbreaking and shocking at times but one that shows that it is possible to heal from the devastating effects of the epidemic of Childhood Sexual Abuse.

I have given Little Janet, that little girl that was taught that she was worthless, a voice. Finally, a voice to expose all the ugly secrets and to reclaim her life. I am so very grateful to be alive and to hopefully be a lifeline to other survivors who may need to know they are not alone.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews

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