Fran Lebowitz Quotes


Think before you speak. Read before you think. Fran Lebowitz wisdom 604
You're only as good as your last haircut. Fran Lebowitz Funny 169
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior. Fran Lebowitz death 126
Food is an important part of a balanced diet. Fran Lebowitz diet 102
Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. Fran Lebowitz Success 97
The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. Fran Lebowitz Drink 90
Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. Fran Lebowitz Calling 90
Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. Fran Lebowitz Business 89
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior. Fran Lebowitz Death 87
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. Fran Lebowitz Food 87
Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. Fran Lebowitz Art 86
Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. Fran Lebowitz Crowd 83
Humility is no substitute for a good personality. Fran Lebowitz Humility 82
My favorite animal is steak. Fran Lebowitz Animal 80
Food is an important part of a balanced diet. Fran Lebowitz Diet 78
Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. Fran Lebowitz Youth 77
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. Fran Lebowitz Chance 75
No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. Fran Lebowitz Conversation 74
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. Fran Lebowitz Innovation 73
Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. Fran Lebowitz Love 72
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. Fran Lebowitz Children 72
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. Fran Lebowitz Nature 71
Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. Fran Lebowitz Carry 66
Think before you speak. Read before you think. Fran Lebowitz Wisdom 64
Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk. Fran Lebowitz Allowed 63
Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications. Fran Lebowitz Authors 62
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. Fran Lebowitz Life 59
Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens. Fran Lebowitz Television 58
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. Fran Lebowitz Criticism 55
Money...buys privacy, silence. The less money you have, the noisier it is; the thinner your walls, the closer your neighbors.... The first thing you notice when you step into the house or apartment of a rich person is how quiet it is. Fran Lebowitz Wealth 55
In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. Fran Lebowitz Capitalism 54
If you're going to America, bring your own food. Fran Lebowitz Food 53
If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words. Fran Lebowitz Nature 53
Life is something that happens when you cant get to sleep. Fran Lebowitz Sleep 53
When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. Fran Lebowitz Astonished 52
Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. Fran Lebowitz Mathematics 51
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. Fran Lebowitz Actual 50
All the time Im not writing I feel like a criminal. Its horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. Its much more relaxing to actually write. Fran Lebowitz Writers 50
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. Fran Lebowitz Teen 50
Do what you can with what you have with where you are Theodore Roosevelt Fran Lebowitz Motivation 49
The girl in your class who suggests that this year the Drama Club put on The Bald Soprano will be a thorn in peoples sides all of her life. Fran Lebowitz Human nature 47
Andy Warhol made fame more famous. Fran Lebowitz Famous 46
In real life I assure you there is no such thing as algebra. Fran Lebowitz Education 46
I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. Fran Lebowitz Drugs 45
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. Fran Lebowitz Children 45
I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. Fran Lebowitz Experience 40
To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. Fran Lebowitz Bluntly 40
Polite conversation is rarely either. Fran Lebowitz Funny 35
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. Fran Lebowitz Pet 35
Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature. Fran Lebowitz Journalism 35

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