Phyllis Diller Quotes


I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard. Phyllis Diller Gardening 94
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Phyllis Diller best 85
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half. Phyllis Diller Uncategorized 85
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core. Phyllis Diller Beauty 78
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. Phyllis Diller Uncategorized 75
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. Phyllis Diller Cleaning 73
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? Phyllis Diller Funny 72
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. Phyllis Diller Wedding 70
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller anger 68
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. Phyllis Diller Men 68
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. Phyllis Diller Humor 60
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. Phyllis Diller Home 58
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller Anger 57
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. Phyllis Diller Women 53
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. Phyllis Diller Anger 48
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Phyllis Diller Parenting 48
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. Phyllis Diller age 47
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller Age 43
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? Phyllis Diller Medical 41
Women want men careers money children friends luxury comfort independence freedom respect love and a threedollar pantyhose that wont run. Phyllis Diller Women 40
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle–keep away from children. Phyllis Diller Advice 37
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right. Phyllis Diller Uncategorized 36
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Phyllis Diller Funny 35
My father used to call me the laughing hyena. Phyllis Diller Father 35
I want my children to have all the things I couldnt afford. Then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller Parenting 35
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. Phyllis Diller Uncategorized 33
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. Phyllis Diller Time 33
I admit, I have a tremendous s*x drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. Phyllis Diller Funny 31
It would seem that something which means poverty disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. Phyllis Diller Parents 31
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. Phyllis Diller Money 30
Moneys scarce Times are hard Heres your fucking Xmas card Phyllis Diller Christmas 30
We spend the first 12 months of our childrens lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up. Phyllis Diller Parenting 28
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are. Phyllis Diller Uncategorized 27
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. Phyllis Diller Funny 27

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Phyllis Diller Quotes

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