Magic Quotes


God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me :P Funny 6,350
You have eyes my dear but you cannot see. Funny 918
80% of boys have girlfriends.. Rest 20% are having brain. Funny 873
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg Funny 746
Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes if I go and see a really funny comedy, that I wished I had smoked a joint. I'll be honest with you. That's the truth. Stephen Baldwin Funny 694
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. Funny 548
My last seen at? was just to check your last seen at?. Funny 492
If you are player then Im the GAME. Funny 296
When WORDS fail, eyes speak. When eyes fail,?HEART? speaks. When HEART fails, nothing speaks they put cotton in the nose Funny 272
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain Funny 267
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. Steve Martin Funny 259
Some people call me Mike, You can call me tonight. Funny 244
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. Mel Brooks Funny 215
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. Dr. Seuss Funny 206
I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. Funny 203
Cant talk, telepathy only! Funny 199
I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny. Paula Deen Funny 194
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. David Lee Roth Funny 191
My life needs editing. Mort Sahl Funny 178
Just saw the most smartest person when i was in front of the mirror :P Funny 170
You're only as good as your last haircut. Fran Lebowitz Funny 169
I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. Warren Buffett Funny 167
Full form of study - S-T-U-D-Y = [S]inging, [T]weeting, [U]nlimited Texting, [D]reaming, [Y]awning. Funny 156
I love buying new things but I hate spending money. Funny 154
The middle class is so funny, it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny. J. K. Rowling Funny 153
Life is hard. After all, it kills you. Katharine Hepburn Funny 151
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin Funny 146
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you. Joey Adams Funny 145
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. Johnny Carson Funny 145
Etc= End of thinking Capacity. Funny 130
People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world. Funny 129
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. Laurence J. Peter Funny 128
I hate math but I love counting money. Funny 127
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. Brooke Shields Funny 126
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny. Stephen Hawking Funny 125
I dont always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent. Funny 123
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. Casey Stengel Funny 122
Hey,you are reading my status again?? Funny 122
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain Funny 120
It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. Bill Hicks Funny 119
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often. Oliver Herford Funny 117
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead Funny 116
I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses. Stephen King Funny 116
A penny saved is a penny earned. Benjamin Franklin Funny 113
Do you ever just lie on knees and thank god that you know me and my intelligence??? Funny 111
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. Kevin James Funny 108
A drink a day keeps the shrink away. Author Funny 108
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. Rodney Dangerfield Funny 107
I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends. Walt Whitman Funny 105
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. Oscar Wilde Funny 104

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