Crystal Garrett

My childhood was a tough one. There were very few adults in my life that I felt safe with or loved by. And even that had to be received from a distance or in secret. I didn't talk about my childhood for most of my life because I was afraid there would be repercussions from toxic family members. When I did start talking, I realized that there were a lot of people who had been through the same things. I met people at the beginning of their healing journey and some that hadn't started. I wanted to help the people who were still living in fear. I had found a method that brought healing for myself, and I wanted to share that. A book seemed like a good way to help many people, including people I could never meet personally.

Its hard to think of an answer to this since my childhood was spent in self-protection. My fondest memories are when I was outside in nature and not being hurt. I loved encountering wildlife and was fascinated by the rhythms of nature.

My husband was by far the one who helped me start my healing journey. The main reason he went back to school in his forties to get his master's in counselling was to get the tools he needed to help me. He would take classes and then come home and talk about what he had learned. Together, we started realizing that what happened to me during childhood was abuse and not just some mild toxic behaviour. The information helped us understand why I reacted to certain stressors and triggers the way I did. Years later, when I was getting ready to write the book, I had two good friends who encouraged me to keep going when what I was writing set off a reaction to bad memories. I also had friends telling me that they had a similar childhood and were looking forward to reading the book so they could find healing. I began the healing journey before I started writing the book, but it was during the writing that my healing really became solidified.

One of my key turning points was when I shared the first chapter of my book with a college professor. I returned to school at age 39, partly because I wanted a different career path but mostly because I wanted the personal growth and transformation that education could bring. The professor's reaction and encouraging words made me realize I had what it took to write a book and touch people's lives with my writing. I was taught in childhood that I would never amount to anything, and here was a PhD holder telling me that I was an excellent writer with a powerful message. Getting my education was part of my healing. I had to push myself past my self-imposed barriers and do things I was afraid to try. I was in college while I was working through the events of my childhood. Every day was stressful and hard, but I showed up for myself every day and battled through the hurt and fear.

My husband's approach to counselling is to dig deep into the root cause of whatever his client is experiencing. Addiction, depression, and thoughts of self-harm are all reactions to past trauma. He takes a gentle and kind approach to helping his clients bring that trauma to the surface where they can deal with it. His approach taught me to be gentle and kind to myself as I healed. I have replaced hectic striving with a steady and rhythmic pace for productivity and personal growth. I used to work overtime trying to make everything perfect—mostly to avoid conflict, which is a side effect of childhood trauma. Now, I prioritize the tasks that support the most important areas to us relationally and professionally. Our home and professional lives are much more peaceful and joyful than before we started this journey.

I developed the resources to provide as many tools as possible for my readers' different learning styles. Some like to be in a relaxed state while they work through memories, so colouring books with journal questions can help. Other people like to free write, others like to be guided. Some people want more information, so I direct them to my online writing. My inspiration is seeing the light bulb moment when a person finds the hope needed to be free from their trauma.

I had one reader who told me that she hadn't even understood how much her husband's childhood trauma was affecting their lives until she started reading Beautifully Imperfect. They decided to read it as a family and even had their young son do some of the activities in the book. My favourite testimony came from a woman who gave a copy of the book to numerous friends and family members so that they could understand why she responded negatively to certain triggers and events. She messaged me saying that one of her friends read it in one weekend and cried through the whole book because she was so deeply saddened that my reader had been through that kind of childhood. I apologized to my reader for breaking her friend but let her know how happy I was that my book positively influenced their relationship. I also have another reader I connect with regularly through phone calls. I can't counsel her, but just having another person who knows what her childhood was like has helped her in her journey.

The research for the book took around two years. It involved multiple peer reviewed journal articles, counselling books, and psychology books. The resources I created came out of a combination of various counselling systems and approaches that worked for me. The focus of my resources is to help people move from seeing their past with their emotional brain to being able to operate in their rational brain. When we use our emotional brain to try to work through painful memories, the rawness and hurt overrides our ability to heal. On the other hand, when we can think rationally about the situation, we start to see that there may be underlying reasons that those things happened, such as generational trauma. So, even though what happened to us is unacceptable, thinking about it with our rational brain gives us the ability to decide that the trauma stops with us. My resources come out of a "knowledge is power" approach. When we realize the trauma and recognize its affect on us we can respond it to it logically versus emotionally and, therefore, resist living in a place of trauma.

My advice is to take it as slowly as you need to but work hard to not stay in each stage for too long. As painful as each step will be, what is on the other side of healing is glorious.

It helps to focus on why you are taking this journey. For me, it was realizing how much living in trauma and fear was affecting my marriage and my children. I wanted to heal so that they could have the best mom and wife possible. The more I healed, the more I realized that my healing was not only for other people, but for myself.

I want to plant seeds of hope in my readers. When you are in the middle of childhood trauma, there's a silent part of you that realizes that once you are old enough to get out of there, things will be better. But then life as an adult gets tough, as it does for everyone, but you don't have the tools that you need to navigate even small pressures. Poor decisions get made a long the way and one day you wake up and everything is a mess. But imagine if someone who fully understands how you feel came along and could guide you out of that mess and help you get to a place of healing and wholeness. I really believe that is what Beautifully Imperfect and my other work could do for people.

Journaling continues to be an important part of my mental wellness. I also find solice in spending time outdoors, especially walks in wooded areas or near water. And of course, spending time reading my Bible and talking through things with God is utmost. I do this in quiet times, but also while I'm doing mundane tasks like laundry and dishes. During Christmas break, I like to spend time setting goals for the next year in five areas: relationships, finances, spiritual, physical, and educational/career. I find that writing down these goals helps keep me on track in the areas where I am weak.

I like to do a chapter-by-chapter revision and editing approach. I find that the direction of the book comes out of the chapter before since I've probably learned something new as I was writing. I also like to write 500-700 words, let it sit for a few hours, edit it, then let the next section flow from there. I can increase that number as the book starts to take shape. My advice is to go for a walk or a warm shower if you get stuck on a section. Ideas flow when we are doing mindless activities.

My writing plan is to expand on Beautifully Imperfect with blog posts converted to short eBooks. I would also like to start a Substack newsletter. I am currently working on converting the prompts in the book into a guided journaling companion to the book.

I often see my book Tweeted by All Author. That makes it easy to retweet to my followers. I often get new followers from the AllAuthor tweets. The tools that are included with the memberships, such as the mock-ups and social schedulers are helpful. I would definitely recommend this platform to other authors.