Tracy A Ripley

When our youngest son was born, we knew that our youngest daughter would need to get used to the fact that she was no longer the baby of the family. What we didn’t prepare for was the fact that I would end up staying at the hospital for days and weeks at a time and it would be months before our family returned to some sense of normalcy.

Our son spent his first week in the NICU, connected to countless wires monitoring his heart. We were not permitted to sleep by his incubator overnight, but I stayed in short-term hospital housing to be close-by to nurse him. Meanwhile, my husband, Rob, managed to get our preschooler back and forth to school as he worked full time and spent the evenings visiting us. The whole situation made bonding with our new baby feel impossible in those early days.

At five weeks old, when our son went into heart failure, he was admitted to the PICU. That same week, Rob’s father passed away. I was again staying at the hospital by our infant’s bedside keeping Rob updated as things progressed. While grieving the loss of his father, Rob cared for our preschooler and helped with funeral arrangements. The PICU’s visitation rules prohibited children under the age of twelve to visit, which added an additional obstacle for our family. Not only was our daughter not permitted to see her new brother, but Rob and I had to split our time between the children. Rob would visit the baby while I went to the lobby to spend time with our youngest daughter. Family dinners became rushed moments in the hospital cafeteria, where Rob and I tried to catch up on each other’s days, while attempting to give our daughter some much-needed quality time.

What might have been a brief adjustment period for our daughter to acclimate being an older sister became a months-long journey as we adapted to this new world of congenital heart disease (CHD).

I was raised in a Christian home, so I have been a person of faith all my life. But my relationship with God changed forever the night I nearly lost my baby. As mentioned earlier, my husband was home caring for our daughter, who was still trying to understand why her grandpa wasn’t coming home from the hospital, while I stayed with our son.

That night, sitting alone by my infant’s hospital bed, I chose prayer over fear. In the dark of night, a peacefulness washed over the room and caused a mother to bow her head and pray. I thanked God for the blessings that led us to that moment – the nurse who detected the murmur at 14 hours old, the cardiologist who diagnosed him, and the nurse who had one chance to set the central line that was administering the lifesaving medicine to my baby. If not for these blessings, that night could have gone very differently and could have been the last time I ever held my infant son.

In that moment, I fully surrendered to God’s plan, placing my son’s life in His hands. Whatever the outcome, I trusted Him completely. Looking back, this was a pivotal moment that deepened my faith like never before.

I accepted my first high-level business finance role a month before my son was born and spent the next ten years advancing to higher-level roles. Each new role carried greater responsibilities and demanded more of my personal time. During the pandemic, I transitioned to a senior global business finance role. Shortly after, the company I worked for went through some major organizational changes, including four new CEOs in 15 months. The demands on my time intensified and I was consistently feeling like I was not on the path God meant for me. I prayed daily for God to reveal His plan for me.

The first nudge came when I became inundated with retirement plan information. Around that same time, my eight-year-old son repeatedly asked me when I was going to get a new job. It became clear that I was ignoring God’s whispers. After talking with a financial advisor, I began discussing options with my husband, realizing this may be an opportunity to change my life to align with God’s plan.

Shortly after, our son endured his second open heart surgery. This time I was not sitting by his bedside with a computer in my lap and I knew that God had prepared me for this season. Several months after my son’s surgery, I felt God pushing me to share our story. The more I swatted the idea away, the more I would receive confirmations pointing me back to the notion. First, it was encouragement from others, then came social media posts telling me how “books change lives,” and one night I was awakened with the thought, “You should write a book.”

That moment marked the start of my journey as an author. I began listening to God’s nudges and started writing to share our story to help and inspire others.

Most of my story came from a decade of journaling. When I decided to write my book, I sought guidance on how to go about the mechanics of self-publishing and enrolled in a program through selfpublishing.com. They provided an author coach, a digital online course, and resources to help keep me accountable and on task. I utilized the online course which guided me through creating my mind map, the outline, editing my first draft, and gave me helpful information so I could select an editor that was a perfect fit for me. Once the manuscript was finalized, I collaborated with their graphic design team to create the book cover, which features a photo of my son’s scar taken one year after his first open heart surgery. After formatting the book and setting up my author account on KDP, I reviewed and approved a proof copy, made some final adjustments, and hit publish!

After taking an early retirement, I became a part-time substitute teacher where my children go to school. Subbing has been a fulfilling experience – I love helping a child understand a concept they are struggling with and seeing them smile during fun activities. Working part-time allows me to write while my kids are in school, be home when they are, and enjoy the same holidays when the school is closed. It is such a blessing to feel joy while I’m working and to leave work at work and be fully present for my family.

As a stepmom, my role has evolved since my stepchildren are now grown adults with families of their own. Our oldest daughter lives out of state, so we stay connected through FaceTime, calls, and texts. Our oldest son, who has children close in age to our youngest, recently moved closer, which has been a true blessing. Watching him grow as a loving father and husband, while seeing my grandchildren regularly, has brought me so much joy. Our youngest children love that they are “Aunt” and “Uncle,” and they get along with their brothers’ kids as if they were siblings. I feel fortunate to experience the best of both worlds – being present for my youngest children and staying connected with my grown stepchildren and grandchildren.

The key themes in my writing include advocating for your child, setting healthy boundaries to maintain work/life balance, and focusing on what you can control. In my memoir, I openly discuss my struggle with guilt after my son’s diagnosis.

Despite the doctors reassuring me that his condition was not caused by anything I did, I carried tremendous guilt and blamed myself that my son would endure a life of surgeries. I constantly replayed my pregnancy over and over, questioning whether working too much, not drinking enough water, or taking on such a stress induced role had caused his condition. I have a full chapter dedicated in my book that speaks to forgiveness and how I learned to forgive myself and turn that burden over to God. These themes are deeply important to me because they reflect the healing and resilience that faith, self-compassion, and God’s grace can provide.

A manager once told me that a finance partner’s toughest job is to make the numbers interesting and keep the audience engaged. An insightful finance partner can peel back the layers to uncover the story behind the business results. For example, what may look like a decline in results could be explained by digging deeper and discovering that a major customer had shut down for their annual inventory, causing a significant drop in sales that month. Further investigation with the sales team may reveal that subsequent months are forecasting twice the average orders, bringing the business back in line with the projected forecasts.

Storytelling in writing is similar – it requires keeping your audience engaged while building up the layers to provide meaningful context. In finance, I focused on answering the audience’s key questions, including the ones they didn’t think to ask. As an author, I bring this same approach, ensuring readers understand the deeper layers of the story and the “why” behind the journey.

As a child, I loved to read. I loved school and wanted to either be a writer or a teacher. As I got older, I allowed influences from mentors to deter me to a career that was more financially profitable. Even though I have degrees in computers, business administration, and in accounting, I have always continued to journal.

Journaling has been a stress outlet for me and when we had our youngest son, it became a way for me to keep my husband updated on what was going on. At that time, we were trying to keep some sense of normalcy at home for our daughter, so when I was in the hospital with our son, Rob would be at home with our daughter unless one of our relatives volunteered to watch her. Sometimes there would be so much information the doctors gave me the only way I could remember it all to share with my husband was to write it down. I also found it therapeutic to journal so I would write when my son slept. That way when he woke, I would have released all the tension and anguish in my heart so that he didn’t sense that in me when I held him.

I would say there are two key messages that I hope readers take away from reading my book.

1) You are not in this alone. God is with you and if you don’t know Him, He is always waiting there for you to invite Him into your heart to walk this path with you.

2) The second message I hope people walk away with is that it is important to take care of yourself. We are of no use to others (both at home or at work) if we are stressed out, worn out, tired, overworked, or full of anger and resentment. My real-life lessons that I share in the book will help to start you on the healing journey. Once you give your burdens to God and learn to trust in Him, you will begin to see the amazing miracles He has blessed in your life … even in your darkest hours.

The hardest part of writing my book was reliving all the life-threatening battles my son has endured. Writing those moments put me right back in the hospital rooms or doctor offices. It was extremely hard to not only have to feel all the emotions again, but to write it and explain it in a way that readers felt it along with me.

Some days the emotional weight was too much, and I would have to walk away, pray, or have a good cry. Then I could return to my writing the following day feeling renewed and ready to pick it back up. Writing has been extremely therapeutic for me and allowing myself to process the feelings when they arise helps to release the built-up anger and resentment that I didn’t even realize was still there.

After publishing my first book, I had several ideas for follow-up projects. However, each time I sat down to write, I would allow self-doubt to creep in, filling my thoughts with a negative mindset. I would write pages, only to scrap everything because I felt nothing could compare to my first book. After I had trashed the fourth version of my rough draft for book two, I finally sat down to pray.

I asked God to remove whatever the obstacle was that was holding me back and I asked Him to forgive me for trying to write this next book without Him. The very next day, I was able to carve out the outline for my next book, and now I am halfway through the rough draft. Letting go of the negative mindset and stepping forward with the help of God was key to breaking free from being stuck. I have learned that too often fear gets in the way, but if we approach challenges one step at a time, and remember that God is on our side, we can accomplish more than we ever imagined.

My “why” for writing my book was to help other families facing similar challenges. I wanted our story to be a beacon of hope to other moms – something I didn’t have when my son was first diagnosed. After publishing my memoir, I shared it in multiple private groups for Heart Moms. Shortly after, I received a private Facebook (FB) message from a mom that brought me to tears.

She explained that she had seen my book shared in several of the congenital heart disease (CHD) groups on FB. At first she swiped it away because she said, “she was too angry with God to pray,” and “prayers weren’t going to fix her son.” Then one day she decided she would read my book for the heart aspects rather than for the faith aspects. As she read, she found incredible similarities between our stories: her husband worked in finance, she had a 4-year-old at the time her son was born, and her son was diagnosed with severe aortic stenosis, (just like mine), and so many more! She shared that she felt like she was reading her son’s story but also getting a glimpse of his future and for the first time since her baby was born, she felt at peace and had hope for their future.

That message strengthened my determination to share my book with other CHD parents, NICU parents, and parents caring for children with chronic conditions. While their children may not specifically face CHD, many relate to the challenges I shared in our story: being separated from their infant, not being able to bond with their baby, unsolicited advice, and the constant reminder that this is a lifelong journey for their child.

I am a firm believer that God places people and challenges in our path to help us grow in our faith. Shortly after being promoted to a higher-level finance role, my son was born and diagnosed with a congenital heart disease. In the first months of his life, I had to learn to advocate for him– to speak up when I instinctively knew something was wrong, and to push back when needed. When I returned to work following my extended maternity leave, I was assuredly a different person. I had found my voice, and I carried these skills into my demanding career.

As I moved into higher level roles throughout my finance career, I continued to strengthen my resiliency by setting healthy boundaries, streamlining processes, and standing firm against unnecessary demands. These lessons played a critical role in my writing journey as well. After retiring, it was easy for others to assume I had limitless time, but I had to set clear guidelines for my writing schedule to keep on target with finishing my manuscript and meeting my goal of publishing in the Fall of 2023. I guarded my personal time and stayed focused while remaining flexible, ensuring I didn’t allow distractions or self-doubt to knock me off course. Being resilient has helped me to persevere through challenges while staying true to my priorities.

I have several books in the queue. One is a self-help series I am currently working on and the other is a children’s book that I plan to write with my son. The series would be directed toward career moms expecting and/or raising children with a congenital medical condition. I plan to share the work/life balance lessons I learned throughout my 27-year career along with the many learnings I took away from years of hospital stays, doctor visits, and countless surgeries. I then plan to turn the series into audiobooks to make it more practical for the career moms who have no time to sit down and read an actual book.

I found AllAuthor in July of 2024. It has been a tremendous resource for connecting with fellow authors, sharing book deals, and promoting my recent awards (Readers’ Favorite Gold Medal Winner and Three-time First Place Winner of the 2024 BookFest Awards). Some of my favorite features of the site are the seasonal book mockups, the book tweets, and the review gif maker that help me promote and share on social media in new creative ways. Even if you don’t sign up for the PRO version, AllAuthor has so much to offer a new author trying to share their book and elevate it to new audiences.