Jessica M Ayala

I was born and raised in the hood of East Los Angeles. As a child I had some dreams, and for a while I wanted to be an Astronaut, I wanted to be a lawyer and lastly I dreamed about being a judge.

I started writing poetry when I was younger, a way to cope with the ending of relationships and I never imagined actually publishing a book (let alone, four). At some point after escaping my relationship with Satan himself (who you can get to know more about in my book My Beautiful Mistakes), I realized I had a story to tell and that story could potentially help others who suffered the same path as I.

My first written piece was a poem. I was in high school and I remember how proud I felt releasing my emotions onto the page.

When Its Gone
It's only when its gone
You realize you should have changed
It's only when its gone
You see things will never be the same

It's only when its gone
That we see what could have been
It's only when its gone
That we wish it didn’t end

It's times like this we cherish
Our memories of the past
If we would have done things differently
It would not have ended so fast

Some of uss are dreamers
Dreaming that things will be again
But when it's gone and realized
The end is still the end.

Once I realized that I had a story to tell, My Beautiful Mistakes became what I thought would be the one and only book I would ever write. This book was written for many reasons. It was written to tell my story; how I was silenced as a little girl when I experienced trauma, that then prevented me from speaking out when I faced the same trauma later on. It's a tale of trauma on repeat as I chase after the love I should have initially gotten from my father.

As we move past the introduction poem that brings tears to the readers eyes and get a glimpse into my upbringing, I take my readers on a journey through relationship after relationship where I continue to fail. I go on to have children from some of these relationships and they become the “beautiful” in the mistakes that are the men I choose.

Writing this book was a way to get my family to understand why I was the way I was without having to have the conversations face to face. It was also a way for me to heal from the lack of love I never got, it was a way to finally be free from holding in these feelings in about the trauma, about my parents, and most importantly

At the end of it all, I hoped that this book could and would help anyone suffering through some of the things I did, not feel so alone. I know that I spent many years trapped with the pain inside and left alone to navigate through life not understanding why it all happened to me. It felt like I was the only one that bad things happened to, but since putting the book out, I realized that I am not.

This book, to be honest, I never even thought about writing this book, until I realized that Maurice Macon, also known as Ohio or Reese in the book duped me not just once, but twice;

First I was in a relationship with Maurice, he came out and spent time with me in Las Vegas in 2018 where we committed to each other. Six months later I found out this man hid a whole wife from me, once he separated from her and I was dumb enough to give him a second chance, he was out here in California while he had a whole girlfriend back in Zanesville Ohio.

I had had a conversation with the wife back at the end of our demise in 2018, she came at me “woman to woman” then when I found out about Shelly the wife, I went to her…once I heard back from her, I realized then, Maurice was committed to both T’Lisa and Shelly and I was just the “fun” he had when he was able to sneak away and fly out to see me, making me the unintentional side chick in my own what I thought to be committed monogamous relationship.

This book came about very quickly, I found out about Shelly the week before Easter 2021, I had the screen shots from both conversations I had with the wife T’Lisa back in 2018/19 and Shelly in 2021 and it just so happened that the afternoon of Easter Sunday 2021 I got home from my outing with the family still irritated with how stupid I thought Shelly was being by staying with Maurice just because he was nice to her kids and she didn’t want to be alone, I decided to write…grabbing all the poetry I had written while Maurice and I were together I wrote my story, added the poems, and five hours later I hit the “publish” button and I WAS THE SIDECHICK IN MY OWN RELATIONSHIP was born.

After dealing with the relationship that was behind my book I WAS THE SIDECHICK IN MY OWN RELATIONSHIP, I decided to refocus my energy and reconnect with my relationship with God. I began what has been an extensive journey of healing and self love. I wanted to show my readers that I was not a lost cause, a woman who loved pain and heartbreak, I wanted to highlight how I started to grow. I was proud of my growth and proud of myself for finding love within myself. I learned how to be alone and learned that being alone is not the same as being lonely.

As I mentioned, I never intended to write past My Beautiful Mistakes but once the second book was published I knew there had to be a third that closed the loop to that version of myself that I had finally grown from.

I wanted this story to be one of inspiration for anyone who again was going through what I had gone through. I wanted to help my readers see that no matter how long we stay stuck, there is always a way out.

I love poetry. I feel it is a unique way to tell a story if it is written well. In my first book, that poem introduces you to the little girl I was, and how quickly life changed as my innocence was taken from me so young, it showcases my strength as a warrior as you dive into the book and realize that no matter what, I never gave up.

My second book has all the poetry I wrote for Maurice to express how I felt through our entire encounter.

In God’s Gift Becoming, I share a poem titled HappY Anniversary as a love letter to myself, and at the end of the book, I share several poems that I wrote up to the point that book went live.

My latest book E V E: every vast emotion was written for my poetry lovers. It is literally written for any and everyone who has been duped in love, lost in love, and for those who still believe in love.

My Podcast was created because I wanted to put out content for everyone, whether it be the eBook reader, the physical book lover, a audio fan or a fan of the blogs, I wanted my name to be out there on every platform available via various avenues so the whole world can get there dose of my honest, blunt, point of views on life, love, heartbreak and everything in between. I wanted the episodes to be clear, concise and painless so my podcast episodes, I try to keep shorter than your visit to your primary care doctor, 15 minutes or less.

Before I wrote my books, I shared my story about Maurice (I WAS THE SIDECHICK IN MY OWN RELATIONSHIP) and how I was duped, how he hid a whole wife from me, and how he only got caught because I sent him a gift to the address he gave me, which was apparently the address they shared. I found out he had a wife because two days after I sent him a 6 month anniversary gift, I got a Fedex package myself that said it was from him, but it was not. It was a piece of paper that had a picture printed on it. It was his wife and she left me her number and asked me to call. When I shared that story which was initially titled “woman to woman” on my FB page, it got over 25k views, over 600 shares and I realized that I wasn’t the only one who dealt with this situation. I thought about it, and decided that if I had so many other experiences in life, love and heartbreak, then the odds were that other women did too. Starting the blog was my way to connect with others so they knew they weren’t alone. My blog topics vary but all are relatable to things we go through as women, men, teens, parents, singles, etc. I feel that my storytelling whether it be in a book, over a podcast, or on the blog, allows my readers to have those uncomfortable conversations without having to speak up first. I live and love out loud so I feel my blog complements that vision that I have to help others through my words, through my life experience and through my voice.

I use social media to connect with those outside of my circle, those who are also in storytelling, I promote other artists, I connect with potential customers, and I also look for inspiration for future topics.

Although it would be nice to sell 100K books and make 100K dollars, my dream has remained the same no matter how many books I publish. I want my story to mean something. So if I am able to help one teen from self harm, one divorcee from giving up on love, or one person to learn how to find their happiness journey, then my goal has been reached.

My dream would be to take my story, and share it with others at speaking engagements. Maybe catch our youth in highschool before they meet life’s harsh lessons.

I once got up on a Saturday morning and went out for coffee, as I pulled out of the Starbucks drive thru, I wasn’t ready to go home so I turned to drive the other way. Nine hours later, I found myself on this beautiful stretch of the 70 going from Utah to Colorado and I was left in awe. I drove 31 hours round trip from Orange County California to Fruita Colorado and back that weekend, stopping along every rest stop and taking in the amazing views. I have taken that drive multiple times since then and have shared the drive with my youngest on our end of summer road trips too.

The drives are for my soul, not for work, not for writing, not for any other reason other than conversing with God, taking in the beauty of nature and releasing any pent up emotions that may be lingering.

I don’t feel that my location has influenced my writing at all. Everything I write about is based on real life experience and I will have those no matter where I live.

I do have a fifth book, about to be re-released. I decided to rewrite it because I wanted to make sure it hit all the points I wanted it to and that it should be re-released on Amazon in a few weeks. It is called Tainted Fish and it's a humorous tale about all the types of men I have met white since between the years 2017 - 2022; The way I have set it up is, my readers meet the type of man, they hear my experience, and then I share my lessons. It's a light hearted story that should bring some humor to what it feels like dating in today's society.

I absolutely love having a platform for Authors only. I love the tools available to us to create our own marketing and I appreciate all the connections available to make.