humorous Quotes


Its better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt Mark Twain Humorous 406
A Man can Live two Weeks without Food go two days without Water and two minutes without Air and apparently an entire lifetime without a BRAIN. Walter Thomas Jr Humorous 350
Sane people did what their neighbours did so that if any lunatics were at large one might know and avoid them. George Eliot Humorous 172
Sorry about your bad luck. David Perry Humorous 123
Elsas joke Where do baby apes sleep In apricots Jacqueline Wilson Humorous 98
I mean you ACRES of harm Dalrymple growled. Untold QUANTITIES of harm. I will visit a whole CONTINENT of harm upon you before we are through. Derek Landy Humorous 90
Grinning is something you do when youre entertained in some way such as watching one you dont care for spill soda all over themselves. Lemony Snicket Humorous 89
She shook her head as she confessed I want it so much Im afraid to hope. Never be afraid to hope Rohan said gently. Its the only way to begin. Rohan to Win Lisa Kleypas Humorous 89
Hollywood is like Picassos bathroom. Candice Bergen Humorous 88
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush unless it is the burning bush in that case the value of your bird just went up Neil Leckman Humorous 86
He thought moving to a small town would allow him to find a way to get along to some extent but people were just plain idiots. Christine Feehan Humorous 85
For people who like that kind of thing, this is the kind of thing they like. Max Beerbohm Humorous 84
Id much rather have a brain of my own than be popular. Dori Hillestad Butler Humorous 84
Its Salvation. When Jen told me I had a vision. A vision Rena. I think I saw the blessed mother smiling and she was hold ing a loofa. In regards to moving out of dorms and having three bathrooms between 4 roomates Nora Roberts Humorous 83
When it comes to being famous youre usually the last to know and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case party on Wayne Party on Garth Carroll Bryant Humorous 83
But if I hadnt shoved you off the boat back thereyoud be lost at sea nowwouldnt you Wed all be lost So thanks to me youre all standing on land. Pirates its a good thing theyre idiots Dave Barry Humorous 82
Thats how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and theyre looking to find poloponies. Janet Evanovich Humorous 82
...as nervous as a bird in a coal mine. Jim Butcher Humorous 80
So the world was nuts and hed suddenly discovered a kink for geeks. There were worse things. Louisa Edwards Humorous 80
I tried to explain as much as I could Poppet says. I think I made an analogy about cake. Well that must have worked Widget says. Who doesnt like a good cake analogy Erin Morgenstern Humorous 79
face touchage lamesauce Sulky McSulkerton Rachel Hawkins Humorous 78
I refuse to have a life partner who spends his days pretending to be on a BBC show. Lisa Lutz Humorous 78
To my enemy Some are great some are born great some have greatness thrust upon them And then theres you. Reginald Dipwipple Humorous 78
...I gotta burn these scales... sigh Hiroko Sakai Humorous 78
There is after all no pleasure like that given by a woman who really wants to see you. Anthony Powell Humorous 77
You are an old pigone of them said to the other. And that is worse than being a young one. Ivan Turgenev Humorous 76
Certainly no one has ever died of an unrequited passionits usually the ones that are requited that get people in trouble. Mercedes Lackey Humorous 76
My best days are Monday through Friday and Saturday and Sunday. Ian Wesley noted that covers the whole week. Ian nods his head. Pretty much. Carroll Bryant Humorous 75
Whod have thought your screwball brother could have gone so serialkiller fucktwat insane Larissa Ione Humorous 75
Id spent five minutes looking at Twitter once and felt Id wandered into a poker game where everyone immediately displayed their hands against the cool green of the felt. Jeff Abbott Humorous 75
Once I got home though and saw several packages on my front porch all the crap from the day disappeared. A few had smiley faces on them. Squealing I grabbed the boxes. Books were inside new release books Id preordered weeks ago. Jennifer L. Armentrout Humorous 75
He pulled out a dagger from ... she wasnt sure where. Did he have that in his loin cloth What else does he have in there Amys thoughts The Witching Pen Dianna Hardy Humorous 75
When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91yearold bowling teammate she said Shes doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank. Janet Evanovich Humorous 75
Ive had a lot of food but if you dont jiggle me too much you can have your wicked way with me. Samantha Young Humorous 74
When you argue with someone you always argue at the level of the person with the lowest level of intelligence. You never argue up. Spuds Crawford Humorous 74
For Breakfast I like my coffee warm and cozy and my eggs funny side up. Stanley Victor Paskavich Humorous 74
I know that God only gives me what I can handle but sometimes I wish He didnt trust me so much. Mother Teresa Humorous 73
I would never have broken up with you I said earnestly. Im more miserable without you than I am with you. As soon as that sentence came out I groaned because I knew how bad it sounded. But Declan laughed. Vintage Simon Murray comment. Sean Kennedy Humorous 73
If its going to be two against one make sure you arent the one. Jill Shalvis Humorous 72
Right at the flamingo orgy Left at the multiethnic roof Santas Straight past the pissing cherubs Ransom Riggs Humorous 72
Vikings dont have faults they have clubs. Tara Brown Humorous 71
But how do we know its really you I mean I could put a saucepan on my head and call myself the God of Boiled Dumplings wouldnt mean I was telling the truth. K.J. Parker Humorous 71
If you dont have any feelings for Will Darcy why are you blushing and fixing your hair Elizabeth Eulberg Humorous 70
Trust me I write fiction. Rob Mahan Humorous 70
If you dont succeed the first time youre about average Frederick L Coxen Humorous 69
You know youre rather amusingly wrong. Terry Pratchett Humorous 68
Responding to a sneeze from the audience Who exploded Victor Borge Humorous 68
Im more of a dog person. But I admire cats and their ability to take so much while giving so little. Jeri Smith Ready Humorous 68
“Books are unique treasures that you can carry regardless of getting robbed.” :Raj Singh Raj Singh Humorous 65
If you have to pay the bills and you write something youre not proud of use a penname for that. Dean Koontz Humorous 65

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