Carlos Messa Quotes


Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire? Rita Rudner Women 115
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. Thats how rich I want to be. Rita Rudner Money 94
To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior. Rita Rudner Car 87
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. Rita Rudner Dating 86
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. Rita Rudner Dating 85
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. Rita Rudner Air 84
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose. Rita Rudner Love 82
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. Rita Rudner Buried 82
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. Rita Rudner Men 82
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. Rita Rudner Women 82
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. Rita Rudner Marriage 77
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner Marriage 71
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. Rita Rudner Funny 65
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better. Rita Rudner Humor 64
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. Rita Rudner Uncategorized 63
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well thats not going to happen Rita Rudner Cooking 62
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. Rita Rudner Medical 61
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. Rita Rudner Funny 60
I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again. Rita Rudner Business 54
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. Rita Rudner Women 52
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. Rita Rudner Funny 48
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times. Rita Rudner Love 47
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. Rita Rudner Parenting 45
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. Rita Rudner Pet 44
I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes. Rita Rudner Work 42
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke? Rita Rudner Eighteen 37
My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping. Rita Rudner Buried 35
My Vegas act is how I make my money. Rita Rudner Money 34
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. Rita Rudner Children 33
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner Marriage 32
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. Rita Rudner Age 31
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him. Rita Rudner Uncategorized 30
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. Rita Rudner Pet 29
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? Rita Rudner Children 27
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner Marriage 24

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Carlos Messa Quotes

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