Garrison Keillor Quotes


Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average. Garrison Keillor Women 172
A book is a gift you can open again and again. Garrison Keillor Again 112
Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. Garrison Keillor Children 98
Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn. Garrison Keillor Food 90
A lovely thing about Christmas is that its compulsory like a thunderstorm and we all go through it together. Garrison Keillor Christmas 88
Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that. Garrison Keillor Humor 83
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. Garrison Keillor Humor 83
Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it. Garrison Keillor Deny 80
The funniest line in English is Get it? When you say that, everyone chortles. Garrison Keillor Humor 80
A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer. Garrison Keillor Home 75
A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing. Garrison Keillor Writing 70
I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. Garrison Keillor Believe 64
The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. Garrison Keillor Food 63
A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever. Garrison Keillor Joy 62
When you wage war on the public schools youre attacking the mortar that holds the community together. Youre not a conservative youre a vandal. Garrison Keillor Education 61
Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known. Garrison Keillor Enough 59
The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life. Garrison Keillor Humor 59
Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people. Garrison Keillor Time 57
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. Garrison Keillor Pet 57
Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted. Garrison Keillor Children 56
I believe that sometimes you have to look reality in the eye and deny it. Garrison Keillor Reality 49
The gains in life come slowly and the losses come on suddenly. You work for years to get your life the way you want it and buy the big house and the time share on Antigua and one afternoon you Garrison Keillor Life 41
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. Garrison Keillor Funny 41
You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories. Garrison Keillor Age 37
Just because were fictional characters doesnt mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you want.the people of Lake Woebegon Garrison Keillor Writers 36
The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future. Garrison Keillor Poor 35
Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Garrison Keillor Forgiveness 34
I want to resume the life of a shy person. Garrison Keillor Life 32
Librarians Dusty possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on Gods green earth. These people tolerate every kind of crank and eccentric and mouth breather there is. Garrison Keillor Librarians 31
A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded gun on your coffee table Theres nothing wrong with them but its hard to stop thinking about. Garrison Keillor Girls 30
My God rich people have the time to praise You if they want to but the poor people are so busy accept their work as praise because my God they dont have time for everything. Garrison Keillor Poor 26
Thats the news from Lake Woebegon where all the women are strong all the men are goodlooking and all the children are above average. Garrison Keillor Parenting 21

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Garrison Keillor Quotes

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