Ambrose Bierce Quotes


Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify. Ambrose Bierce Knowledge 159
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools. Ambrose Bierce History 159
Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. Ambrose Bierce Revolution 149
An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws. Ambrose Bierce Fortune 148
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others. Ambrose Bierce Politics 138
Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous. Ambrose Bierce Friends 136
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. Ambrose Bierce Philosophy 134
There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy. Ambrose Bierce Four 120
Applause is the echo of a platitude. Ambrose Bierce Praise 109
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success. Ambrose Bierce Success 107
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. Ambrose Bierce Love 106
Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit. Ambrose Bierce Advice 104
Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. Ambrose Bierce Ego 104
Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. Ambrose Bierce Art 104
Truth -- An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. Ambrose Bierce Truth 103
Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. Ambrose Bierce Beautiful 102
Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy. Ambrose Bierce Manners 101
Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket. Ambrose Bierce Charity 100
A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker. Ambrose Bierce Funerals 99
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead. Ambrose Bierce Power 98
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed. Ambrose Bierce Men 98
Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. Ambrose Bierce Legal 97
Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world. Ambrose Bierce Atheism 96
Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for. Ambrose Bierce Allowed 96
Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World. Ambrose Bierce America 95
Doubt begins only at the last frontiers of what is possible. Ambrose Bierce Begins 95
Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen. Ambrose Bierce Crossword 94
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. Ambrose Bierce Death 94
Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. Ambrose Bierce Time 93
Historian – a broad-gauge gossip. Ambrose Bierce Uncategorized 93
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up. Ambrose Bierce best 93
Aristocrats: Fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts-guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts. Ambrose Bierce Class 92
Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel. Ambrose Bierce Patriotism 91
Conversation: A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor. Ambrose Bierce Talk 91
Prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support. Ambrose Bierce Opinion 91
Justice: a commodity which in a more or less adultered condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service. Ambrose Bierce Justice 91
Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors. Ambrose Bierce Justice 91
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. Ambrose Bierce Religion 91
The covers of this book are too far apart. Ambrose Bierce Criticism 89
Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire. Ambrose Bierce Duty 89
Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. Ambrose Bierce Women 89
Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable. Ambrose Bierce Laughter 88
Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge. Ambrose Bierce Ardor 87
Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. Ambrose Bierce Pleasure 87
Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. Ambrose Bierce Faith 87
Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due. Ambrose Bierce Compromise 86
The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge. Ambrose Bierce Arrange 86
Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due. Ambrose Bierce Adjustment 86
Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another. Ambrose Bierce Crime 86
Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country. Ambrose Bierce Power 85

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